3.4.2016 Is It Really That Hard To Move On

http://www.naomineo.com/naomineo/2016/2/21/is-love-a-choice-or-a-feeling

Just read this post by blogger Naomi Neo and I think I can pretty much relate to it.

Is it really that hard to move on?

What is it so hard to move on?

I can't agree more to the five points she listed out.

1. Giving up on everything when he's in your life.

This was something I regretted over and over during my previous relationship.

(Yes if puppy love is counted then I had a relationship back then lol.)

Because of him I literally messed up my social life.

I dumped my friends for him,

as I wanted to spend every single moment in school with him.

Whenever he was around me,

I didn't need anything else.

Whenever I had free time,

the first one who popped out of my mind would be him.

Until the extent that I got more and more distant from my close friends,

who I really cherished.

I felt so sorry for them.

And then at a point of time,

I realised that I still need friends in school,

so I started making friends around again.

But there came the problem.

He got so jealous just because I took out a part of the time I normally spent with him to spend with my new social circle.

And they weren't even guy friends,

they were all girls!

I found him very unreasonable but in fact,

I was wrong from the very beginning.

Because I gave all my attentions to him and I suddenly changed after he got so used to my behaviour.

By right I should have maintained my own social life even when I had him,

so when he left my life,

I wouldn't be left with nothing.

But if you ask me whether I'm regret or not,

I can confidently tell you,

not at all.

Because we were both immature.

2. You're stuck with the idea that you'll never find another guy like him.

This was what I thought when I realised a problem between me and my previous crush but I wouldn't want to let go because I thought I would never find another guy like him.

He was my ideal type,

he fulfilled all the criterias I looked for in a guy,

as I had mentioned in one of my old blog posts.

I was dumb enough to think that I couldn't find a better one,

and I held on so tight even though I knew we couldn't make it anymore.

I tried every single way I could,

letting my dignity so low until he ended up with someone else.

So here's an advice to myself,

and to everyone else out there.

Just because he is great,

it doesn't mean you can't find someone better.

Stop holding on to that thought and stop convincing yourself that no other guy in this world would possess similar or even better qualities.

3. You miss the way he made you feel.

Sometimes we don't really miss the person,

instead we miss the way the person treated us.

They are two different things.

I had met a lot of similar situations before.

The guy treated me very nice at first,

some even made me think they like me,

then he changed all of a sudden.

Maybe I didn't even like him,

but I liked the way he treated me.

Therefore I couldn't move out of the sudden change,

I would keep on recalling how nice he was,

without realising the 'nice' was already a past.

He's different now,

so stop missing the old him.

4. You think you're unworthy.

This is what keeps running in my mind nowadays!

Since the day I knew he ended up with someone else,

I would always judge myself,

comparing myself with others.

Am I really that bad?

Am I really that unworthy?

I took the initiative and how could you not like me?

It was the first time in my life I took an initiative towards a guy!

And there are quite some guys who like me,

why don't you?

How could you not like seriously why were you not attracted to a girl like me wtf.

Okay maybe I'm the a bit hao lian (Thinks highly of myself.) type so this was what I thought.

I'm being honest to everyone who ever read my blog here.

And ever since this incident happened I started thinking myself unworthy,

not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough not skillful enough.

I know people will say don't ever think like that,

I know.

And I'm trying hard to find my self worth right now.

Just let the past be the past.

5. You think you're never gonna love someone else the same way because you're so infatuated with him.

Because of the failure which I still find it super embarrassing,

I will sometimes think I don't have the energy or guts to like someone anymore.

Now even if I have someone in my mind,

I won't ever take the initiative anymore.

I'll go back to my old style,

wait for him to initiate a move and if he doesn't,

I'll just let him go.

I seriously can't take another failure anymore,

because a scar is a scar,

it'll forever remain.

Right now I always tell people that being single is great,

it's indeed great but deep down in my heart,

I know I have to stay strong,

to not let all the emotions out,

most importantly to not break down.

I seldom say this but,

wish me luck. :)

读完中六了～

好久好久没来这里了。自从半年前去了一趟中国后，都只顾着用 WeChat 了。转眼间，去中国回来也有大半年了，竟然还没放下他。自从有了年尾要重考三个 semesters 的压力后，都没开过我的 laptop 了，上网都只用手机，而手机很难 update blog，所以就由得它生杂草了。

时间真的是一样很可怕的东西，在你完全没察觉的情况下，它就偷偷溜走了。说的很难熬（Type 'ai' 找了很久，原来是 'ao'）的一年半，就这样过了。我很光荣地宣布，我终于读完中六啦！那天有个朋友打电话给我，恭喜我终于完成了中六，我答他，没什么值得开心啊，成绩都不知道怎样，他说至少读完了啊，正式毕业了啊。也对，先享受几个月，再来面对不知残酷还是感动的现实吧。

其实真的很懒惰打华语字，可是不知为什么我的中文 posts 点击率比英文 posts 高出很多，中文的可以以百计算，英文的却只能以十计算。我的英文很差咩哈哈，我反而觉得我最近的中文更不流畅咯。叫我用电脑或手机打出来还好，叫我写我真的超多字忘记了。虽然打字要找对的拼音也很辛苦，不过如果多一点人喜欢读我的 posts，麻烦一点也是值得的。

话说回来，我今年又像往常一样，missed 掉了很多精彩的故事没有记录在这里。每次都是这样，读书的时候以为做工了很得空可以补写，然后做工后又觉得每天很晚回到家更加没有空写。我可没有心机像去年一样来一个图文并茂的“回忆里的疯狂”了，顶多写回几件重要的大事就好。

想想今年发生过什么重要的事呢。前半年很平淡，就是上课上课上课，直到五月尾去了中国广州，算是我今年的一件大事吧。（虽然去中国的 posts 都懒得去完成，不过我会尽量写的。）从中国回来后，就每天顾着和他们联络，好一段时间都没回到现实来。直到八月，去了我参加过无数个生活营以来最显的一次生活营回来后，又搭车去了怡保三天和一起去中国的团友们聚会，也是今年很难忘的时光之一，详情下次再讲吧。

之后应该就没什么特别了，顶多都是我第一次参加那些 run 拿到我人生中第一枚奖牌（说出来真丢脸，奖杯堆到没地方摆的人竟然没有拿过奖牌。），再来就是那个没有感触没有感动还有一点显的毕业典礼，因为我对这间烂学校一点留恋都没有。

就这样，考试，重考，然后很潇洒地离开了这间烂学校，不带走一片云彩。（不用理我，我就是酱诗情画意，虽然连整句是什么都不懂哈哈哈哈。）重考完的当天晚上有晚宴，我都没去。不过也很庆幸我没去，因为一点都不像晚宴，没有华丽的布置，没有好吃的食物，又那么少人，不够气氛。而且大家都穿得那么守规矩，那么 formal，之前我说我没有学校规定的那么“正式”又像包粽包完全身有领有袖又长的裙子时，一个两个还跟我说哎呀我们都毕业了，穿怎样老师都没资格讲的啦，结果每个人还是怕，还是穿到酱密实，如果我有去，我不是很 odd 的那个？怎么那么没 guts 啊。

本来计划要去槟城的，现在不知还成吗。我都说了越拖得久越难成功，暂时已经两个人退出了。最好就考完试后立刻去，现在不知还能计划得成吗。我的 food hunt 自由行恐怕煲汤了，希望真的还能成功吧，怎样自己去都是不一样的，会爽很多。

好啦现在什么都不要想先，那么辛苦找到了工（很辛苦咩，找了三四天罢了喔。），就好好完成它先。每次听别人讲做 promoter 好，很好赚，现在自己尝试过了。做了两天，感觉还不错，尤其 hit 到了 target 很开心，虽然 commission 不多但觉得很有满足感，有点觉得自己做什么工都能胜任到。（呐不要酱 lanci 先，才打过三份工。）只是脚板真的痛到不行，一天站八个小时，要找张椅子坐都没有，希望慢慢会习惯啦。一月份希望能多找一份工，做 weekdays 的，赚多点钱，反正 promoter 只做周末。

哈哈，不写了，去煲剧先。等有空再来分享一下做工的故事。:)

假期的第一个周末～

期待了好久，终于都考完试了。有时候，考完试好像失去了方向，不知道该做什么好。假期的第一个周末，我还算过得精彩吧，呃至少没有一直无所事事地盯着手机吧。

星期六，去买我下个星期的 trip 需要的东西。逛了一个下午，都没看中什么心头好，反而弟弟满载而归。女生的服装除了裙子，还是裙子。裙子我有很多，我又很少穿，所以看到漂亮的都忍住不买了。不过，我们就遇到一个很 grumpy 的 auntie，开店卖东西竟然摆着一副臭脸。当时是因为看到一件很漂亮的长袖衣服，所以我们才进去看看。问她价钱，她讲到含糊不清，再多问她一次，她就发脾气了，用那种超级不耐烦的语气回答。后来叫她拿下来让我试，她明显是懒惰连生意都不想做，就说什么哎呀这些衣服很大件的啦不适合你们这些瘦瘦的人穿的啦，她是不爽我们比她瘦咧还是什么。她这样一副赶客的样子，难怪店里一个顾客都没有啦。这样的态度，叫她收拾好东西等 zap lap 啦。 

星期日，也就是昨天，会馆请我们这班参加 trip 的学生聚餐，交代我们一些事情之余顺便让我们互相认识一下。刚开始很 awkward，但最后都很愉快。超期待和这群新朋友的 trip，倒数四天！:D

原本下午约了我的好姐妹的，但由于那个聚餐实在拖得太迟结束，所以最后没去到。没关系，等我回来吧，我们还有大把时间，她没那么快开学，我也没那么快要准备 semester three 吧。

晚上，留在家看 Thomas Cup 2014，第一次看球赛看得我快要摒住呼吸了。这一次的决赛真的是超紧张刺激，就如报纸上说的，每一分都赢得惊险，输得可惜，比两年前的奥林匹克羽球决赛还精彩，只能说，马来西亚队和日本队都表现得很出色，实力不相上下。虽然心里一直希望马来西亚能拿下汤姆斯杯，一面看一面和朋友们在 Whatsapp 和 Twitter 等为马来西亚加油，但始终比赛这种东西一定有输有赢，心情复杂之余，也恭喜日本队拿下了有史以来第一座汤姆斯杯，成功翻开了他们羽球史上的新一页。:)

不过，我个人有点觉得那些在网络骂日本队的人似乎太过火了，胜败乃兵家常事，他们靠自己的实力取胜，根本没做错什么。日本第一男单田儿贤一 (Kenichi Tago) 在场边支持自己的队友，也要被人人身攻击。试问，为自己的队友加油打气有错吗。每个人都希望自己的队伍，自己的国家取胜吧。后来日本队胜出后抱在一起庆祝，也要被骂。难道赢了比赛庆祝又有错吗。换作是我们国家队赢了，全国人民也一样会欢呼庆祝吧。Sorry 我是对事不对人，只是希望大家发表言论时能理智一点，这样攻击别人，反而显得我们好像很不服输那样。

无论如何，日本队的精神很让我感动。他们的自信，斗志，志气和士气真的让我很佩服。就好像 Tago，虽然他在第一场比赛中落败，但他还是马上在第二场比赛就挺身站在场边为队友们打气欢呼，从第二场站到最后一场，从第二场喊到最后一场，没有离场过。而在最后一场比赛时，一行球员站成一排跳起舞啦，实在是太可爱了，早川贤一 (Kenichi Hayakawa) 还拿着扇子跳扇子舞哈哈。

在社交网站上看到很多人说上田拓马 (Takuma Ueda) 很帅，我只觉得他长得很像林宥嘉咯，而且他的名字让我想起了 chemistry 的那个 UDTA 还是什么我忘记了。也有很多人说 Hayakawa 很帅，这个我就认同啦。xD 不过我最欣赏的还是第二男单桃田贤斗 (Kento Momota)，他真的很厉害，而且他才十九岁，和我同岁呢。（其实是大我一岁啦，我刚才 researched 过了，因为还没到他生日所以算十九岁。）像我这样的年龄就登上了国际大舞台，实在不简单。他在球场上的每个动作每个表情都很自信很 calm，让我由衷欣赏，and he's so cuteee. :P 还有一个 scene 也是很 cute，就是 Tago 对着镜头瞪大眼睛嘟嘴的时候，太好笑了哈哈。

其实他们不是真的大家所说那么“帅”啦，但比起有些娘爆留长发戴 lens 化妆的日本 artists 和 cosplayers （我是说有些，我没说全部。），我真的觉得他们好很多咯，至少够自然不做作。Sorry to say but 我最不喜欢那些娘爆的男生，男生化妆真的是令人作呕，明星出镜需要撇开不说，普通男生出街化到人不像人，妖不像妖，实在是非笔墨所能形容。不过我班上有一个女生很喜欢这种男生，只能说 MOTHER OF GOD 每个人的 taste 不同。

这篇东西好像很得罪人，不懂该不该发布。不过 type 到那么辛苦，而且这是我的部落格我有言论自由，所以管它吧。我先声明以上都是我个人立场，你可以不同意，你可以不要读我的部落格，但请理智看待，谢谢。（讲到好像有人会读酱。xD）

Long Time No See~

1. Wow it had been so long since I updated my blog. Was busy working hehehe. Working is tiring but fun. :)

2. I'm in form six now, so bored. /.\ Rejected UPM offer and Nilai full scholarship offer. Everyone was like, why why why wasted larh but I got my own reasons so yeah. :3

3. The only thing I like in form six is MUET. English class is always fun. Enjoy doing listening practice with friends, the moment when you can't get the infomations because the tape plays too fast. :P Sometimes really feel like flipping the table but, practice makes perfect. We'll get through it someday. :)

4. Still, form six is not a good choice. The new system seems will make us so stressful. Wish I can get Matriculation. :D

5. Going back to work tomorrow for a week because I promised my ex-supervisor to help her out. So for those who haven't visit me, you can do it starting from tomorrow. (Like got people wanna visit you like that LOL. :P)

6. Do you know, yes you, please be perasan, I kept dreaming of you again and again. Erm we are like only met once?? But I don't know why you kept appearing in my dreams larh. What does my dream trying to tell me?? I can't figure it out. :3 But anyway we did lost contact for very long right. Deciding whether to find you on chat or not. (Hmm I never find people on chat one eh.)

7. Some people say that if you dream of someone, it simply means that you miss him/her. While some other people say that it means that person misses you. Actually both also cannot trust because like for example, if I dream of Yoseob (My idol and my mental boyfie. XD) does it mean that he misses me. -.-

8. Never touch any books for almost half a year so please don't mind if I made any grammar or spelling mistakes in my post. Gotta brush up both my english and chinese during this holiday and I guess reading novels or magazines will help. Hmm gotta start hunting for good pieces already. :)

 

Oh hey I see love. :) Will try my best to love reading. :P

Exam's Over~

Lalala exam is finally over!! Today online for so long, finally get to relax. :D

Hmm overall this time exam is okay larh, okay as in can do, not easy. I guess I screwed up my biology and add maths again. Add maths somemore not enough time to finish. -.- Chemistry, I really speechless, I don't know whether to say it's hard or not, so I use the word 'gay'. (Influenced by those guys.) Other subjects, ermm I guess is okay larh, if I didn't make any careless or stupid mistake.

Let's not talk about exam, better do some plans after exam. I always say I wanna do revision during year end holiday, but then never succeed before. XP Hmm outings and gatherings for sure, faster plan larh anyone related. Online whole day long and have tons of junk food. XD

Just now something popped out on my mind. It's really a nightmare, still hauting me until now. If they had a fair decision then I'm okay with that, but they are really unfair. :( A few of them, they didn't even appear once, they just type a bloody letter then they got it. Then what for we attend every single meeting?? And the worse thing is, one of them didn't go for interview. Come on, kawad isn't everything for an organisation, an organisation still got a lot better things to do. Seriously I look down on all of you for being so unfair. Hmm btw about next year's vice I have a lot of comments on her bloody attitude. Wait next post bahh.

Smile, everything will be better. :)

心还在那啊~

不懂做么突然很想念培训营~

想念第二组~

坚韧组，不认输，不怕苦，坚韧坚韧最有料~

我们的组名还有口号~

讲真我不会写自己组名的，“韧”字不会写~

哈哈，坚持到底，他一定很爱你~

这是营歌《责任》~ 

阳光照在我们脸庞　　　
激起我们的动力 热情　　
往前方奔跑　　　　　

责任托付在手心上
我们的方向不再迷茫
化勇气为力量

#责任的路上难免会彷徨犹豫
  惟有凭着最初的热情努力

*责任使我们并肩一起共朝目标前进
  愿意去承担 勇敢面对挑战
  不论顺逆 不论阴晴 都要坚持走下去
  我们不孤单 责任路上你我在身旁

阴雨带来丝丝忧伤
我们的步伐固然一致
信心不被动摇

责任托付在手心上
我们的方向不再迷茫
化勇气为力量

Repeat #*

就算面对多少阻挡
为了肩上背负的责任
我们依然稳住脚不倒下

不是我自己type的啦，我从学海部落copy然后paste过来的~

而这是学海之歌~

我们围起来  我们牵起手 你听不见什么

你知道我在告诉你  我们千万颗生命是火种

一个炯亮的眼神是个火种 一个燃烧的生命是夜焰

我们要 我们要 抓紧那一把火炬 燃烧汹汹的火

我们要 我们要 抓紧那一把火炬 唱出火般的歌

这次是我自己type的啦，不懂有没有错字，凭记忆type的~

总之就是很想念啦，不懂做么心会突然飞过去的~